Was I am?

As you look at this now, there appear to be two distinct things occurring: one, the physicality of seeing, involving light on our retina, neurons firing in our brain, and reception in the occipital lobe. Second, the rapid interpretation of word-shapes into personal meaning. The latter is an idea, but seeing, the former (not the word seeing), is not. If this consideration is applied to actually seeing ourselves in action, it can present some interesting questionings. It’s suggested here to reconsider the whole idea of questioning per se. As a practical manner of not speaking.

To see yourself as an idea is like looking into some thing. Seeing, actually, [not the word, actually] is not a thing; a looking into anything, particularly including oneself. This can be rather difficult to meet, literally as difficult as I may want(or not want) to make it,. Because seeing’s living moment is without any inner dividing; whatsoever is ever-present and cannot be actually looked into the way we ordinarily do. This is difficult, if not impossible, to countenance.

This is, seeing now [and evermore?] does not divide in the same way you read this text, or try to see into yourself. The very dividing is the divider. The idea (thought-feeling) of here is psychological (hidden) conditioning and is necessary in a number of areas to function as a human being to understand speech, to read and write , to think about going from one place to another….all of this is conditioning. Not the walking from place to place but the thinking, the idea walking from place to place. Most adult humans are very heavily conditioned.

Our conditioning has so memoried , thoughts-feeling itself that it is, I am regularly mistaking this self thinking-feeling for actuality. And apparently as such the content of consciousness is rarely seen as content but though-felt, conditioned as a completing thing., like actual seeing but really not so. Memory is not real. So I am motivating to do , to become, an echo remember-er quickly remembering . The quickness is not present but thinking-feeling memory memorising into itself. The moments dimension of the senses is not memory does not [stange as it may seem ] become or divide.

What may be called memory echo is how self harvests its own becoming. It, I ,rest in a bed of WAS. I actually am was gathering a thrill, confirmtion of that operating paradox new-memory. Mistaking this for really here. but memory, past tense, pending drawing e verything in to my apparent sesne of was.

Was-feel , is a mostly hidden memoriser within the psyche, ordinarily, non-verbally drawing on all my emotional memories to build ever newer contributions to presently become (all memory ). The feeling of thought-feeling as WAS can bring moment into stark relief. This is especially so if all thinking is accompanied by a sense of urgently configuring was. If every moment thought-feeling appears, there is a concomitant saying WAS [to a limited extent]; this at least may consider (challenge) the past-tense nature of a supposed present sense personal self. Possibly bringing into less hidden moment ones habitual becoming making moment more potentially present? Does this commence play with psychological time? WAS